


Failrails

by Unda



Category: Homestuck, One Piece, OnePieceStuck
Genre: Caliginous Romance | Kismesis, M/M, Pale Romance | Moirallegiance, Unresolved Romantic Tension
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-06-24
Updated: 2014-06-24
Packaged: 2018-02-06 01:17:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,236
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1839124
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Unda/pseuds/Unda
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Based on two pics by Syb for her onepiecestuck crossover. Focusing on Sanjee and Usoppu's entirely fail-tastic pale shenanigans.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Failrails

**Author's Note:**

  * For [SybLaTortue](https://archiveofourown.org/users/SybLaTortue/gifts).



> The two pics in question are:  
> http://syblatortue.tumblr.com/image/81704211130  
> and  
> http://syblatortue.tumblr.com/post/81659810417/are-you-still-doing-the-one-piecestuck-au-if-so-do

It's Sanjee who lands first inside the marine jail cell, it's a rough landing and you can hear the woosh of air knocked from him and the clack of his horns hitting the stone. Sanjee spits and hisses like a wild meowbeast but it gets worse when the marines manhandle you into the cell. They didn't even bother to handcuff you, what an insult, and so they just throw you in. They do so with enough force that you stumble and hit the ground painfully too.

 

“Don't you TOUCH him!” Sanjee snarls, thrashing on the floor and glaring at the marines with red eyes full of highblood rage.

 

“Heh, or what?” One of the marines laughs and suddenly you realise what the marine is so pleased about as one of his hands reaches out and snags you by the horn and painfully yanks you back until your head hits the metal bars of the jail cell. You yelp as your horn is pulled and jerked at, the sensitive nerves at its base protesting at the torsion and feeling as if they're going to rip right out.

 

“I'LL KILL YOU!” Sanjee screams and lifts both of his legs in the air. He's tied around his shins with chains but you watch with wide eyes as he forces his legs apart, freakishly strong leg muscles straining against his black slacks until the links in the chain bend, warp and then snap open.

 

Even with his hands behind his back Sanjee flips himself up onto his feet with a whirl of rainbow splattered legs and an acrobatic flick of his spine. All of the marines, including the one who had been yanking on your horn, take a big fucking step backwards.

 

One of them lifts a gun and points it right at Sanjee's forehead, but he's too far into his highblood rage to even _care_ about that. You're not though. If Sanjee doesn't calm the hell down right now then he's going to have his thinksponge splattered across the wall behind him. 

 

“it's fine, sanjee, no!” You protest quickly leaping to your feet and away from the bars. Your hands come to his chest, your fronds digging into his tattered suit jacket with the force of trying to hold him back. 

 

“shoosh."

 

The word comes out of your mouth before you can even think about it. Some sort of stupid primal troll instinct. There are guards there though and saving Sanjee's life comes ahead of any quadrant embarrassment. 

 

“shooooosh.” You repeat again, one hand rising up to his- oh god- to his face. You pap him as chastely as you can, across his cheeks and the bridge of his nose. The red doesn't fade from his eyes and he doesn't stop baring his fangs at the guards but he stops trying to push past you quite so hard.

 

One of them makes an amused and condescending noise in his throat and locks the cell door, you hear a safety being put back on a rifle and the three of them go away, making crude jokes about piles and pale porn. 

 

“GET B@CK HERE YOU MOTHER-GRUB-FUCKERS! MY BOOTS NEED @ NEW COLOUR ON THEM! HEY!” Sanjee snarls after them, throwing himself against the bars. 

 

When it becomes clear to Sanjee that he isn't going to get out of here by screaming and shouting he starts pacing and snarling. Suddenly being in an enclosed space with an angry highblood suddenly pings you in all the wrong lowblood ways of 'bad idea nonono' and you feel a sudden flare up of your not-wanting-to-be-murdered disease. 

 

Sanjee is nakama, yes, and you trust him. You don't think he'd kill you like this but highbloods can be unpredictable and Sanjee wouldn't have to do anything on purpose to really hurt you, what with how strong he is. You've seen his mule kick snap a guy's pan clean in half. You really  **don't** want to be the recipient of that. Besides Sanjee would feel guilty for hurting a nakama for the rest of his life and that's not a pain that you want either of you to carry. 

 

“come here, shoosh, shoosh. it's cool sanjee. we're gonna break out of here or get rescued, you know that.” You say soothingly, pressing your hands against his suit jacket, one hand just above his symbol. 

 

You and Kaya never really made anything official but you were, no,  _ are _ so pale for her it's sick. But here you are with Sanjee and... and it's  _ hard _ to keep thinking about her. Right now all that you can think about is Sanjee. You're sure that you can come up with the mental gymnastics later to justify this, but now isn't the time. 

 

There's a whole load of straw over in the corner that's probably used more for soaking up blood than what you're intending on using it for but you've always been a resourceful troll.

 

You shove Sanjee back into it and he goes without much resistance, his eyes focused past you and into the hallway like the guards might come back and he needs to be on high alert in case they do so that he can get his murder on. 

 

“look at me.” You say with a voice that sounds steadier than it feels like. 

 

With some obvious effort he does. His eyes are black and blue like a bruise, he's still partway through the colour showing into his irises as he grows up into a full adult. They focus on you a little and the red in his eyes fades back to normal orange a little bit, not much but it's noticeable if you're looking close. 

 

Sanjee leans into you close and, whoa hello, he's peering at you with red and blue eyes. 

 

“They hurt your horns.” Sanjee snarls, his voice deep and low with a chitter in his chest that's all threat and violence. You've heard that voice before, it's usually the last thing that some other poor bastard hears before he dies.

 

“i'm fine, it hurt but it's cool. THE GREAT CAPTAIN USOPPU HAS SURVIVED, SEE?” You laugh, in your best heroic voice as you give a rap of a fist on your horn. Ouch, that hurt and the wince you just gave does nothing to reassure Sanjee. 

 

“i'm fine.” You repeat honestly and then, since you're pretty much halfway into a feelings jam already...

 

“it's you i'm worried about.” you say. 

 

“They hurt you @nd I just need to kill-” Sanjee hisses but you pap his face a few times. You press your forehead to his and feel sickeningly pale. You were getting hurt and in danger and Sanjee flipped his shit for you. 

 

His skin is smooth and highblood cool as your thumbs run over his cheekbones and brush the lashes on his closed eyes. A weak barely there chirp comes from Sanjee's chest and reflexively you echo it from deep in your own chest cavity. Your whole system flutters like a swarm of fairy bulls just got into you because this is so so pale. Sanjee would have his hands on your face too if they weren't tied off behind his back in manacles. 

 

Sanjee's breathing turns slow and lazy, lulling you down with him. It's so easy to let your guard down, if someone was going to hurt you Sanjee would get them first. You're more relaxed than you've ever been in your entire life and this is what all those pale romance novels that you see in bookshops and totally never read are going on about. 

 

You don't know how long passes but Sanjee suddenly jolts from under you and shoves you off to the side with a knee and crouches. There's a moment where you're terrified that somehow he just came to his senses and realised what the two of you were doing but no, that's a defensive crouch. 

 

He cocks his head and you can hear it too, someone running in your direction. Danger. Only Sanjee suddenly relaxes into a not danger pose and stands up straight just as Zororo comes into view, skidding on the stone. 

 

“th3r3 you ar3.” Zororo says, looking at the two of you. It takes him a second until he notices where you are (on a pile of straw but still a PILE of straw), your clothes (rumpled) and your expression (mortified). Zororo instantly flushes the moss green that Sanjee is so fond of comparing him to. 

 

“shit, didn't m3an to uh... int3rrupt.” Zororo blurts out. 

 

The tips of Sanjee's ears go bright blue and his shoulders tense. 

 

“Get us out of here.” Sanjee orders and Zororo shrugs before obligingly slashing the bars in two so that Sanjee can kick them clean apart. Sanjee jumps up and gets his legs through the other side of his arms before he lands so that his manacled hands are at his front. He holds his shackled wrists out to Zororo and that display of trust is far more obscene than anything you two were doing. Zororo doesn't seem to be phased by this and swings his sword down inbetween Sanjee's two most treasured things and frees his hands as if it was nothing. 

 

You scramble out of your pile all nervous as Zororo looks to you, seeing if he needs to slice you free from anything. His eyes stick on the pile again though and Zororo shoots you an apologetic look, he thinks that he's interrupted. 

 

Chopper has long since been in the group that needles you about your pale crush for Sanjee and Zororo has never done anything to stop him, suggesting that the pair of moirails are in agreement on that front. Zororo doesn't meddle of course, he's Sanjee's kismesis and that's nowhere near his place to do, but he's still allowed to have opinions. 

 

“Wh@t's with the look? You didn't interrupt @nything, nothing h@ppened, there's just nowhere to l@y down is @ll @nd you took your shitty time in getting here.” Sanjee snaps at Zororo, his eyes narrowing angrily. 

 

You know deep down that this didn't mean anything, you were just keeping your nakama from getting shot, that's all. You were just keeping him safe. Just, just, just. Despite the truth of it all the whole thing stings more than a little and as if to get you even further down your thinksponge happily pipes up that you were supposed to be reserving your pale quadrant for Kaya, just as you'd always said you would. Yet here you are papping Sanjee and getting all kinds of sappy feelings with him. 

 

By the time you drag your thoughts back to reality Sanjee has said something provocative enough for Zororo to drop this issue of what he saw and take the bait. The three horned swordsman snarls all pitch at Sanjee. Yeah, Zororo's got no grounds for being embarrassed on your behalf, he's shameless with conducting his quadrants totally openly and completely oblivious as to public places. 

 

“mayb3 I'm consid3ring l3tting the marin3s hav3 you, it'd sure mak3 my life easier.” Zororo growls at him. 

 

“C@n't h@ve that.” Sanjee responds airily and hipchecks him on the way out of the cell, casual as you like. You follow the pair of them as they lead the way out of the marine base, or rather as Sanjee leads the way out and Zororo keeps trying to go the wrong way. Their bickering and pitch flirting continues the whole way out, entirely uninterrupted by getting stopped by several marines and the pair just saunter out with you in tow, as if Sanjee didn't have several new colours splattered up his legs and Zororo's swords weren't dripping streaks of the stuff on the floor as he walks. 

 

 

You make it back to the ship and Nami slaps every one of your around the head for making her worry, which seems a little unfair to Zororo as he got you back but Zororo is long used to Nami dishing out unfair punishment at him. Their youngest crew member Chopper climbs up Zororo's back and perches on his shoulders, clearly pleased to see his moirail again safe and sound. 

 

There's quite the distraction as they all haul ass to get their ship off of the island and away from the marines before reinforcements arrive to get revenge on Sanjee and Zororo for the jailbreak. But when the island is receding into the distance and Chopper and Luffy have started singing some silly song of victory you can't help but feel a pair of eyes on you. 

 

You turn around and it's Sanjee's blue eyes that were boring into you. There's a blue flush on his pale grey cheeks and there's a furrow in his curled brow, like he's thinking really hard about something, as if you were some puzzle wrapped up and he can't work you out. When he spots you looking back at him though he jolts like a meowbeast dropped in water and sprints into the kitchen. 

 

So he's avoiding you then. 

 

 

==>> Usoppu: keep watch. 

 

You sit in the Sunny's crow's nest and keep a watch on the sea for other ships approaching. The window is open and a slight breeze is blowing through it. All the normal sounds of the ship at night drift up to you from up here. Chopper and Luffy giggling and taking turns in the tyre swing, the muted sound of Sanjee and Zororo arguing about something in the kitchen, the snick of Nami's secateurs as she trims her orange trees. It's all peaceful. 

 

You rest your chin on the windowsill and feel unspeakably guilty. Even so as you stare off at the sea images of Sanjee flash behind your eyes. The way his black hair spread out on the golden straw of the pile, the feel of the rumbling purr that ran through his chest as you shooshed him, the way he pressed his face into your palm like he needed you just as badly as you need him. 

 

There's the rub about this whole thing, you do need him. Sanjee is strong in ways that you're not and you're strong in ways that he's not. You can take another troll out from a huge distance but up close you're cull-bait, Sanjee on the other hand is deadly as sin but as soon as you move out of his range he can't do anything. When you've teamed up for a fight you're more lethal combined than either of you are apart, you become more than the sum of your parts. He's brave where you tend to cowardice and he's rash where you tend to plan. 

 

Sanjee is so incredibly rash and short tempered that he's likely the pale fantasy of many. It's textbook really, the dangerous highblood that could be putty in your hands if you were just brave enough to shoosh him. If you wrote a book you'd sell millions. But this isn't fiction and this isn't some anonymous pity interest, this is Sanjee and for all his flaws and complexities you couldn't be happier. 

 

You wonder how far that would have gone today if his hands hadn't been cuffed. Would he have pulled you close and shooshed you back? Would those treasured hands have papped your face too? You remember that feeling of safety and peace wrapped over you like a thick blanket all because Sanjee was there and you ache for it again. 

 

You squeeze your eyes shut and imagine that Sanjee is here with you now, that he pities you back, that everything could just be simple. Your own hand comes up to your cheek and you force your imagination to the limit and imagine your rough snipers fingers are Sanjee's long and lean ones, smooth from care and love. You pap yourself hesitantly and a muted purr echoes through your chest, guilty though it is. 

 

The door to the kitchen bangs open and Zororo and Sanjee's voices are clear and float up to you on the breeze. 

 

“don't d3rail th3 topic by accusing m3 of m3ddling cook, i know what i saw!” Zororo snaps from down below. 

 

“@nd I'm telling you th@t you're wrong. Usoppu @nd I @re nothing but n@k@m@. Besides, you know th@t the pity qu@dr@nts @re for women @nd the h@te ones @re for men.” Sanjee argues back. Your hand stills and that sick painful feeling comes back over you. It's just a fantasy, you know that. What the hell would you say to Kaya anyway? This is all wrong, no matter what your gut is telling you. 

 

There's a crack of skin on skin below and Sanjee yelps in pain. 

 

“that's not m3 flirting with you, that's punishm3nt for b3ing so fucking quadrant r3tard3d. stop fucking around with my nakama and g3t your h3ad out of your own wast3 chut3 you worthl3ss moron!” Zororo snarls at him. You peek over the edge of the window to see Sanjee holding hand on his face. He pulls it away to reveal blue blood pouring from his sniffnode, a matching splatter on Zororo's fist. 

 

“Th@t sounds pretty pitch to me, shitty swordsm@n.” Sanjee purrs in a slightly nasally way. 

 

Zororo's shoulders fall and he groans, loud and exasperated. 

 

“3v3rything you say mak3s m3 dumb3r for h3aring it. i'm out.” Zororo grumbles and stalks off, leaving a confused Sanjee in his wake. 

 

You slide down onto the floor with a whine, you don't want Sanjee to see you. Your soul aches and as you draw your knees into yourself and feel your eyes clouding with muddy tears you can't help but feel that you could deal with this if you just had someone you could have a feelings jam with. Hah, but that's the entire problem. You miss Kaya and the moments when Sanjee treats you almost like you are his moirail and the whole thing makes you feel even worse. 

 

Sanjee ==>> Stare contemplatively up at crow's nest

 

That fucking idiot doesn't know what he's talking about. Usoppu was just... panicked was all. That's all today was. It's not like you pity him, pity is for women – obviously. But you can't help but wonder what if Zororo's not completely stupid. So, problem solved. There is no problem, it was all an illusion. 

 

So why did you melt when he papped you?

 

Why did you purr so hard?

 

Why did everything feel perfect and like you were hatched for him and that moment and-

 

Goddamnit no. This whole thing is Zororo levels of dumb right now. 

 

Even IF you were inclined to pity men, which you are NOT, there's no real proof that Usoppu feels the same way. You're an intuitive guy, you'd know if he was. If you go up into the crow's nest to find him now with a bleeding nose and after what he had to do today then it'll look like you're just angling for his pity and that's not what you want. 

 

Sanjee's feet: Don't move ==>>

 

Goddamnit feet, move! You grit your teeth and repeat to yourself that you're not interested, that Usoppu isn't either and that today meant nothing. Eventually your stubborn feet move on and take you to the shower. You've got a lot of rainbow blood on you to get off as well as a sense of wrongness that you just can't shake. You're sure it's nothing though. 

 


End file.
